he is the creepiest guy i ever
well not the creepiest guy i ever
but he's pretty creepy

says jania
about the guy
on the bachelor

these women are competing to marry this guy
who seems an utter douche
he hits on all of them
he is an officer
and a gentleman

oh GOD!
skip says
he's kissing her
he is so GROSS

c'mon smoker girl
they say
their favorite

the next competetion
is to spend the night
for "special quality time"

i like two adjectives - noun thing like that
they are experiencing cheapening demeaning humiliation

sometimes i rush it
she says

Skip's stomache hurts
oh god OH GOD
she says

don't you think that whoever he ends up marrying is gonna change their mind when they see the show, jania says

you're my sanctuary
the bachelor says

with nine girls left

and so it goes

also sweet

i can't seem to be bother to write anything, but this guy wrote something

so we went to whitehorse
headed north from the gateway to the north
which is edmonton
which is why we got a direct flight
for once

whitehorse is a bit squat and frozen
a bit of a strip mall of a City
but with such nice people
such hospitality and fast friendships

we had weed in no time

and the theatre
so well equipped and large
these guys got funding
the government bribes people to live up there
not just with salaries
but with stuff

we set up and we did the show two times
jania came up
we had good times
my Dad works up there
so we this house to stay in
it was really big and nice
but with a disturbing number of stuffed animals
not the plush kind
the kind that once lived
a giant ram faces the front door
he must've been beautiful
now he will be
creepy-beautiful
forever

then we went to dawson city
a full six hours north of whitehorse
on the windy highway of death

we stopped and picked up a hitcher
who had broke down at the side of the road
like we were really nice
like the people there are
he had the biggest hands i ever saw
except when i saw the guy who played chewbacca

the town is a heritage park come to life
all the buildings are ole timey
it's illegal to pave the streets
instead of sidewalks they have boardwalks

the hotel we're staying
is famous for keeping severed frostbite toes
that you put in a shooter
you let the toe kiss your lips as you drink it
if you move there you have to do the toes

we didn't do the toes

the show was in a town hall
about the size of orange hall
we set up against a wall
75 people show up
some drunk and yelly
and unruly crowd
some of them had never been to a play ever before

our comedy shocked them

i heard a guy say
these guys will say anything
after my character said he wanted to have sex
with blanche
from the golden girls

he has a point

and then the drinking
oh so much drinking
the offers of sex
all of us could have had sex with so many grossly drunk people
but we didn't

but they were nice

such nice people

up north

so i haven't blogged in a while
sorry

i have a cold
so i take medicine
to dry the faucet of snot
but it goes too far
and then I have a nose bleed
the tickling of the blood on my upper lip
wakes me up in the middle of the night
and then i stuff tissue into my nostril
and look quietly at the internet
waiting to stop bleeding

if i start to bleed at the meeting today
i'm sorry
it's not a response to your question
they're all good questions

it's just that I have a cold
and the drugs go too far

it seems to me
that we live in an age of techno-sorcery

where we all wear computerized communication and surveillance devices more powerful than the computers we sent up in the first shuttle with cars with video cameras and dvd players, that are hybrids not nearly often enough, with some people actually wearing the tech within their ear, within an actual orifice of their body, and others who are deaf implanting electronic devices to hear for them, to translate sounds into electronic signals that are then read by your nervous system making these humans what we will later think of as the first cyborgs, hopefully, if we get the chance to think of anything at all

while at the exact same time

millions of other people believe in an invisible man in the sky who either wants you to deny global warming and vote conservative, or wear a beard and make jihad or even just be nice and moderate but truly believe they have a personal relationship with a fictional person who died over two thousand years ago which could only be possible with the use of and given the existence of:

MAGIC

science has a slippery slope

if you need to hold the belief that the earth is six to eleven thousand years old, then you must draw into doubt something as simple and solid as carbon dating, so its a short jump to call into question atmospheric science, which makes one wonder if water really freezes at zero degrees or does God consistently make it look that way to serve his ineffable plan?

magic has no such problem

magic is exactly as provable today as it ever was, and religious magic needs no proof at all, for in a flawless loophole, faith is required, you are required to have faith in magic to be considered a member of the group and retain the fabulous benefits that come from membership, like a pure and pretty dating/marriage scene, and the satisfaction of creating a majority government

but some science they DO believe

the science of bombs and machines to pump oil and refine oil and the computers to watch the whole thing and the robots who took the jobs of the people before they discovered people of different color were cheaper than robots, because they build and maintain themselves and they will even use a computer to tell you that science is a lie and technology has gone too far and click on this video to illustrate the point

we live in an age of techno-sorcery
the two french kiss in the hallway
while they both tell each other to stop

it is important
to be a good boss
to not panic
and start kicking asses
that do not need to be kicked

or in the process of getting your own shit together
question the value
of another's shit
already more together than yours

it is important to embrace change
as you make them
and realize that others may not as much
it is important to cultivate affection
while not caring if you receive it

like they say in battlestar galactica
'he knew about machines
command is about people'
you are so right, lee adama
that is why

(season 2.5 spoiler alert!)

you shall command the Pegasus

in other news
i am learning all about ad/hd
the thing about a thing that kids get
is there are all these kids books
and parent manuals
that your social worker girlfriend
can borrow from the hospital library

it is also a gift to have a character who simply can't stop talking even for a second due to what condition her condition is in and i already snuck in a gay joke

want to see?

P: Hey there. It’s okay.

JAMIE: I just wonder why, you know? I am not a bad person!

P: I know.

JAMIE: My home life is normal, as far as I know. Except my parents aren’t divorced.

P: I know.

JAMIE: Everyone else’s parents are divorced and mine aren’t.

P: Some would say this is a positive thing.

JAMIE: Karen has two Dads and she’s not weird like me!

see there
hilarious
p means principal
when you're a lazy typist

this joke is
sure to be cut in the first workshop
but maybe not

i'll let you know

i don't believe in writer's block
but i do believe in not knowing what to type next
that happens to everyone
writers are just so good with words
they invent a disease
so its not their fault
that they don't know what to type next

anybody reading this ever suffer from AD or ADHD?
how about their kids?

i need your input
so i can steal your life story
and pass it off as my awesome writing

all that said
can i have it?

so okay

so

i can't keep control of my schedule
it just whirls around me
in my memory or on little slips of paper
that may or may not be anywhere near me
and when i get real busy
i forget stuff
and misplace stuff
and double book myself
which then i have to cancel
and it eats up even more of my time
which was the thing i was short of
in the fucking first place

so okay i can't use a book
i have books
i have made books
jania has made books for me
i like books
but i can not carry one around all the time
i am literally not able.
it's genetic or something

so i get an idea
i will purchase an electronic device
and i will addict myself to it
i will
effortlessly
(as a matter of course
for it was designed to be thus)
become completely addicted
and then whenever anybody says

are you free this thing on this night or whatever?

i am so happy
i am so fucking happy to pull out this thing
i have been waiting
because i am addicted to it
it my phone and internet
and i get to push the little tiny buttons
of this thing
and find out if i am
and if i'm not

and if i am!

then i am even happier
because i put it into the electronic thing
and then i have it there

i think i do more stuff
just because i just want to
schedule more stuff

it's making me more active as a person!

you can laugh
but i found what worked
i finally know what i am doing today


nothing

sometimes i get so impatient
waiting for some silly thing to happen
that i could just explode

with that in mind
maybe its better i lack superpowers

especially the power to explode

last night i did a gig with donovan
we talked a lot
about nine eleven
and how much we both believe it was done
by the american government
the neat and swift demolition
the speed it went down
the physical evidence
the coincidental moving out
of people and gold
the Nixon plan
to do the same kind of thing
when the Vietnam war was unpopular with so many
especially the Vietnamese
the sheared girders
so identical to a planned demolition
as done by professionals
all around the world
even some circumstantial
suggesting rudy guiliani was in on it
that makes a sad sense
as the next preseident

we also did some improv comedy
it was pretty fun
i was hungry to do it
excited to get back into rft shows
good thing too
with so many folks gone
i planned my absence
just like the CIA planned nine eleven
(doesn't it look odd typed out like that?
so unlike the logo it's become)
and it was much less devastating

perhaps my return
will be like a huge light pointing into the sky

(can you tell I'm kidding?
sometimes i feel like you can't tell
when i'm kidding)

anyhow
nine eleven conspiracy theories
so two thousand and two
how passe'
tres

lo siento

on second thought

Barrie was kind of awesome

because no one sees anything controversial anymore

they don't get the chance
they are warned so thoroughly
whenever anything has teeth

or it's 'taming of the shrew'
a nice familiar controversy

that no one really cares about

real controversy
requires the element of surprise
barrie had that

a partial standing ovation
where people actually scolded the standers
"you're standing for THIS?"
was reported to me

many people left
other wanted to
others talked about it
loudly
but stayed

it was a rare thing for me
an actually controversial performance

i had to go all the way to barrie to get it

so i've decided barrie was awesome
on second thought

so okay

okay
so we did the magnetic north festival
with our little show
our little:
"trailer park boys meets long day's journey into night"
we get offered this weird little tour
and we say sure
what an adventure!
we say to ourselves
surely we'll book other dates
calgary is a go anyway
we know that
edmonton too
at the KABOOM festival
so we'll tour 3...2...1 a good little while
and then hang it up

well

calgary fell through
it's along story
KABOOM died
the other dates never came up
but we already signed for this
so here we are

first show is in kitchener
home of my birth
where my Mom still lives
we all stayed with her
such fun
so odd
the set was late
same day, right away
is just a name
like 100% real beef
its more a name than a thing that is true
i was terse on the phone
we got what we wanted
sort of

the centre in the square
has 2000 seats
tickets cost 35 dollars
except for the free ones
i got for 12 family members

i was so nervous

then

the storm of the century
one newscaster called it
an ice storm
they cancelled for weather
and IATSI
which a union so powerful
it makes Equity look like a tiny little bitch
overtime or something

we weren't worth it

but i had a nice time with my family

so okay

so let's go to St. Catherines
set up the set
tech all day
do the show
for all these drama students
it was a rock show
almost too much
they laughed at everything
even the drama
i had trouble connecting emotionally
but whatever

we ordered pizza
the pizza had a germ in it

because we woke up and went to barrie
and a flu or something stowed away
inside nathan's body

we got to barrie
the TD is nonverbal
the theatre is on a campus
but no students are coming
it's reading week
some people stood
some people left
some people didn't like it and were won over
you could hear people in the crowd
discussing whether or not to leave

nathan got through it
throwing up in his mouth
only once

now we sit in the comfort inn
it has comfort
and free internet
so you get to hear all about it
i complain
but it is not unfun
tommorrow we fly home
for two weeks

and then do it all again

this time in the yukon

weight lifting, tv watching, making models of superheroes, making prosthetics for hallowe'en, going to movies, going to meetings, eating, driving my car around, walking, digesting food, sleeping, thinking about things, fantacizing, infanticiding, making off colour jokes,making my parents proud, purchasing birthday presents, drinking, occasional hero-clicks, settlers of kataan, disputing the cultural value of hockey, being a huge nerd, writing a play, reading a play, directing a play, producing a play, casting a show, doing a show, seeing a show, talking about somebody else's show

film, tv, rap, jazz, german caberet singing, comics, novels, current event non-fiction, computers, other people, politics, the environment, the exposing of powerful liars, possibly you, religion, extraterrestrial life, zombies, the afterlife, art, knitting (observationally), what other people are talking about, popular culture, how dumb is everyone, why?, how?, what are you doing, right NOW, the incredible hulk

rap, electronica, german caberet singing, acoustic guitar, a caustic guitar, a drop kick too far, and above all forever the verbal and rhythmic stylings of the RED I KNIGHT !

movies: they are all awesome. or shitty. or just okay. which is shitty.

books: they are all awesome. or shitty. or just okay. which is shitty.

tv shows: they are all awesome. or shitty. or just okay. which is shitty.




"there's this old joke, a man takes his brother to see a psychiatrist, he says "Doctor, you've got to help me, my brother thinks he's a chicken!"

The Doctor says, "I think we can cure him."

and the man says, "You can't do that! I need the eggs!"



i think this would work better if you asked me questions and i tried to answer you as honestly as possible. wouldn't you learn more. right now i am just deciding what to share and it hardly seems fair. what about all the stuff i don't want you to know?


look at me from the side

this is my profile.

tommorrow i see my mom
i hope she likes my friends
i hope she makes banana bread
i love her banana bread
i love her
i hope she lives forever
and bakes banana bread

at night
with jania asleep
it's just you and me, internet
go ahead


dazzle me

today is the last rehearsal
of 321
before we go on tour

in kitchener
we will stay
a whole three days
with my religious mom
she will love nathan
almost as much as jesus
and as we shut the door
we'll say
nathan's gay
and leap into the moving car

today is the first rft board meeting
in forever
for me
much has occurred
and must occur yet
between now and the ganza
when the season ends
almost

and i'm sorry mr comment
i talk about my own life here
not the lives of others
you will see who is gone
when they are no longer there
perez hilton might dish the dirt
i put it in pots

i get so nervous in board meetings
am nervous in general
with the people in charge of me
luckily there aren't very many such people
or i'd be nervous all the time

all is well, well...

oh the blog!
one forgets that people actually read it

my culture shock is dimming
it no longer destroys me
that a greek dinner costs
what my friends make in a month

it just hurts a little

rft is short on senior improvisers for now
but we have survived exoduses before
the younger talent pool is strong
but years away
from being a jules or a bill
but all will be well
all is well, well...

some things are not

loss
and
death
of the loved ones of our loved ones
life continues to be

hard

what did you expect?

but i am more or less okay
rft is okay too
i say this
because you seemed worried
thank you
for caring

if you did

but all is well

well...

not all is well
but within parameters
of expectation
the world being what it is
immoral war for raging
the atmosphere collapsing
powerful forces deliberately denying humanity the chance to save itself
mainstream media a pack of lying liars
good people kept as poor as dirt
so coke can have a protected market

and don't forget

the human condition remains in play
entropy
death
loss
of the loved ones of our loved ones
things fall apart
it is the nature of things
with david suzuki
and anyone, really

with you

but all is well
this is all normal
this is our new normal

what do you think?