kelowna

kelowna is warmer
than edmonton
and presumably winnipeg
the air is moist
the trees are huge
and still green
i am small
and experienced
a willow weeps
down the creek from my window
i don't
why should i?

warren sasy kelowna is the victoria
of the okanagan
judging from the age of everyone
i'd say he's right
he's the front of house manager
but he used to be a doctor
his lincoln town car
is leathery and big
not unlike him
it's nice
not unlike him

the motel is from the 70's
furniture-wise
but it has free internet
and microwaves
one is more modern than the other

I am rooming with scott
he is nice
and smokes weed
just like me
we watch a show called weeds
that i downloaded
while high
two crimes at once
and no victoms

unless you count the brain cells
who have a weak lobby group
their protests fall on deafened ears
as my vices goosestep in

the theatre is gorgeous
a new facility
i will rattle alone in my dressing room
like a marble in a shoe box
i will hang out in the ladies
when they are decent
i am the only boy
in the cast
but not on the tour
brad is here
scott too
betty has characteristics of both genders
this is not an insult

the bar is close
the food is good
the portions gigantic
the techs are competent and nice
the theatre is gorgeous
a new facility

the factors align and conspire
to make the tour fun

this poem
beleives in a flat tax
and is against gay marriage
that's why it's over here

on the right

mormons

my name is earl
is a funny show
it's so positive
you should watch it
on rented dvd

because commercials give you cancer

but don't rent at blockbuster
it's run by Mormons
there's no evidence
that Mormons give you cancer
but I have my suspicions

go to the movie studio instead
or the alternative video spot
they are nice
and locally owned

i am locally owned
but i am travelling out of my proprietory area
this very day

waiting for the cab to come
waiting to get on the plane
wating for the plane to land
almost all of travel
is waiting

i am always ambitious
with my spare time
when i am on tour

i imagine hotel rooms
are the best rooms for writing
my play which i haven't been working on
my screenplay
which turns two soon

i have cds and a workbook
to learn Spanish
so i don't have to say:
lo siento
yo no hablo espanol
mi novia habla espanol
habla con mi novia

they are only too happy to

i haven't budgeted for hangovers
and sleeping all day
which i will also do
plus eight shows a week
the maximum allowed
by equity

i am bringing books to read
vernon god little
the posionwood bible
bridget jones
for dessert
it's all dessert
i like dessert

it is time to pack
which i will do badly
never enough socks

the day before

the day before i leave
i install jania's webcam
and sign up for yahoo messenger
it's the only one for me
cause i have a mac
she has a pc

the choice is not political

i not only have plane tickets
i also have a cold
it's in my nose
but keeps trying to leave
in the form of snot

i trap it in kleenexes
which is a brand, not a thing
when brands are really successful
they become the thing

rft will be fine
i made arrangements with joey
and with kevvy
joey i paid
but not kevvy yet

my dad goes away as much as me
sometimes more
we're gonna hang out today
we're a close family
thanks to my brother
and him dying
we're a close family

relatively speaking

i've been watching a hospital show
it makes me want to tell you all
to drive safely
respect your mortality
wear a seat belt
and when possible
a helmet
you are nothing without your big brain
less then nothing

because you will leave a hole

and

don't fall in love with your heart patient
he will die, in the season finale
we never knew what he did for a living
so i feel like i don't know him
jania cried, but i didn't

jania is napping
the fog blots the sky white
like a death on 6 feet under
i am warm
in my sweat clothes
but not sweating
still i deserve them
i bought them with my own money

i am lazy today
because i can be
they say courage is when you are scared
but do it anyway
lazy is when you have energy
but lie around even still
i still am
you know what i mean

but

who cares about james dean anymore
i have his rare TV appearances
on videotape
somebody thought i would like it
i will regift it
next chance i get
if i give it to you
act surprised

that was a tangent
you are a cosign
be obtuse
if you want to

there's a comfort in the air
a contentment
and blueberry muffins
today all the things i wish i was
don't matter
and i see through my own eyes

leaving town

the weekend before you leave town
is the busiest weekend
packing and seeing people and being nice to my girlfriend
so she misses me

instead of not

the weekend for me is busier than for some
because i have rehearsal
and a million improv shows
besides i always pack badly
forgetting something
never enough socks

i don't know when my plane is
or where my hotel is
but i am sharing a cab
to save the theatre money

the play changed a little
why not?
the actors are the same
but we changed a little
who wouldn't?

we throw a new football on the breaks
Shamus ate the old one
during Faithless
which is a different play

it toured too
to different cities
why not?

i am glad to get out of town
it is a small and sticky place
but i will miss my girlfriend

instead of not

late

after the party
my girlfriend is sleeping
i do things quietly
in the living room
there's a show we're watching
on rented dvd
she's an episode ahead
so i get to watch
and then bed

tired

no matter how little i work
i am tired at the end
i just want to smoke pot
and watch things with my friends

edmonton mornings
are so fucking cold
it takes hitpoints off me
and changes my attitude
which wasn't good anyway
everyone looks dorky
in their hats and parkas
it's a fashion equalizer
there's christmas and fun
winter isn't all dead homeless
but i hate hockey
and i don't ski
so what does winter offer me?

the new thing

is that i am not going to blog about my life or my feelings or anything i am doing or whether or not it is great.

just assume that it is, and that i am in varying degrees of inebriation, doubt, fun, social anxiety and lower back pain.

until further notice: poetry, mostly bad.

Playwright's Notes

Here are the playwright's note I wrote up for Summer of my Amazing Luck, my welfare Moms play.

When I read the novel on which this play was based, I was gripped by a familiar feeling, and then a new one. A familiar mixture of emotional exhaustion and exhilaration, (which I often have after reading a work that has moved me deeply) but also something new; a feeling of potential. Not Miriam’s potential, which is much greater than mine, but a potential for me and this book to do something together, and being as young as I was, potential was almost all I had.

I have always had a soft spot for single mothers. My own mother was a single one for some time during my childhood, and my life was a mixture of rollicking amusement, crying I couldn’t understand, landlords we were afraid of for reasons unclear, the occasional boyfriend, moving a lot, strange babysitters with large children of their own, generally all the things that float through the life of a child whose parent is single and poor. I related to Miriam’s novel on a personal and political level. I wanted very much to make it into a play.

During the five years it took to bring this work to stage I grew five years older, wrote several other plays and got a bit better at it, rewrote this one many times, stopped eating meat, started again, grew and shaved various styles of facial hair, broke up with a few women who were all far too good for me, and consumed many meals in restaurants. In all that time, my affection for Miriam’s book never waned, and my affection for Miriam herself only grew.

How well or poorly to treat our poor is a political issue in our country. It is generally the feeling of the left that the poor should be given a chance to live indoors and raise their children, while people on the far right feel somewhat differently. Critics make much of abuses and fraud of the system, which surely occurs. But, I was once told by a lawyer (one who worked for Canada’s welfare system) that it was his firm opinion that we spend much more money seeking out and punishing welfare fraud then we would lose if all such efforts were halted completely. It’s an interesting thought, especially if money is the important thing. I am for the raising of funding for social programs, and the allowing of part time work to keep welfare recipients in the working world, without knocking their earned wages off their benefits. With our current federal government, I might as well be in favour of tuxedos for dragons and the assignment of pixies to CSIS, ( or something equally unrealistic, like avoiding the complete dismantling of Canadian arts funding).

Lots of teenagers get themselves into trouble. Sometimes they can get themselves out and some can not. This is the story of those who couldn’t, but who made a life or themselves anyway. It’s about community, family and taking care of each other. In these times more than ever, we need to do just that.

I thank Miriam, Brad, Beth and Caroline, Scott and Betty, Dave, Tanya, David and Kevin, and all the folks at Theatre Network, and anyone here tonight who is moved to email, write or phone their MP, and support Canada’s Cultural workers with their voice. Lately, culture’s all that makes us different from the United States.

la la la

This week i feel like a baby howard stern. i am the king of all (small time) media.

I did this thing on CBC radio called the "In Crowd" where we get to plug stuff we think is keen around the City. I came armed with all kinds of dope stuff, so far as I think. I also plugged Bash'd and the RFT prime time shows because I am a sneaky fucker. I brought more than I could use, sadly, and did not get to plugs all the pal's stuff i wanted to. Luckily it's all so great it'll do fine on it's own.

I did this thing on CTV news. It was an in-depth report (which for CTV means a whole 3.5 minutes! that is 56.5 less than 60, which is what 60 minutes does) about the financial boom in Alberta. I was reporting on the arts. I stuck up for Edmonton, not only as a place to start out, but as a place to keep living. I gave as many plugs as I could to Mayor Mandel and dissed the provincial government as best I could. (it was easy)

Next I am doing this thing called a "Total Write-Off" which is like some kind of improv literature game show thing or something. I have no idea. They told me one of my co-guests would be the filmaker guy from American Movie, but I don't know if that panned out. Hopefully super fun.

I am told that soon my 7 minute comedy series for CBC radio will be listened to and decided upon by the higher ups. Only 9.65 months after it was made! Me and Peter Brown worked hard on it, and so did Andrea House and Mark Meer as voices extroidinaire. Fingers crossed. It would be fun to make a bunch more.

And Bash'd marches on. I like the reviews for the most part, and I hope it won't sound like too much of sour grapes or over senitivity to declare Luke Foster from Vue Magazine rather a dumb fellow. First he exclaims that bisexuality doesn't exist (I disagree) , and now he says rap isn't a worthy genre for the discussion of serious topics like gay bashing. I disagree without the use of brackets. (Sorry Fugees! No more rapping about poverty for you!) Check his latest hard hitting column to hear what TV shows he finds "nifty".

I am blogging more often now, aren't i?

so we opened Bash'd

And it went quite well, thanks for asking. Some folks left crying, and we got a standing ovation and such. Interestingly, for such a gay project, my girlfriend was there, loving it and me. Kevin Gillese, who I respect so much as a rapper was there. I blushingly reprint his review.

"the flow was tight throughout, with long stretches of awesome"

So I was releived. We hoped to be successful as actors and as rappers. All I know is, I am losing weight trying to do this show. It's a sweaty enterprize and no foolin'.

It's hard to imagine anyone is reading this anymore. My own fault, posting so seldom as I do. But whatever. Perhaps it will be just a little diary for me, and you all are my parents, sneaking into my room, trying to find out if I am on drugs. (which I am)

I know

I don't post too often. I am too busy and lazy to do so I guess, so I supose no one is really reading this at this point. Fair enough.

This is then, a message in a bottle.

It is a strange time for Chris, a time of change, of letting go of things I wanted which have proved impossible, were impossible all along, though I clung to hopes in a strange way, out of habit, I guess. Certainly not out of joy.

And a time of picking up new things, changing the focus of my life to something more positive.

I will never again try to break in where I am not wanted. I will stay and cultivate the places where I am. I will live in my new apartment with my wonderful girlfriend.

I feel strangely lost, and oddly free.

fringe drunk fun work, work, work

So the fringe opened up the other night and our RFT venue (Iron Horse BYOV J) opened the very next day. Last night the crumbs rocked a fine show and theatresports right after was no slouch either. fun times and happiness abounds. the play i directed, which opened in my absense as i toiled at the Iron Horse. I met an estatic A.H. in the beer tent and she extolled the virtues of our little comedy's acceptance by the masses, which in this case was actually a fairly respectable mass. Looks like the fringe is off and running. let the hangovers commence. let the beer tent schmoozing and review fretting begin. it already has anyway.

but listen, this is the main thing. i saw the pajamamen at their 11;45 show last night and I just could not fucking beleive how good it is. fuck. it makes a comedy artist feel inspired and small all at the same time. SO GOOD. No wonder Second City is producing these guys. They are special and how. See it, twice. I will.

Soon it will be time to build the venue agan at the iron horse. one of the things about having a byov is that in many cases you have to strike it completely and turn it back into a church, bar, sex dungeon or whatever it was before you got there. heavy lifting. it ain't all air conditioning and licenced venue. we only have to do it on weekends, but that is plenty, lemme tell you. so if you're bored at 4 or at 8;30 come on down. saturday is one of those fun days where we have set up AND strike. yay.

"life just goes on and on, gtting harder and harder" Rolling Stones

And I can see why. All that touring when you're 60? And now Keith has a brain injury and he's SO miffed that no one has noticed. Ah the the Stones. This is the truest thing they;ve said since "I'm so hot for her, I'm so hot for her. I'm so hot for her, and she's so cold.

Last night I got an idea for a play that happens entirely in a bed.

also

I pimped out my myspace profile, GIRLY STYLE! I am a huge homo except for the sex with women stuff (I mean woman. singular.) So check it out. the_crad_pad I think I called.

Summer Loving It

So I am pretty excited about that. It's my big chance to see ani defranco, and fiest and kris kristopherson, who I am familar with mostly from his work in the BLADE trilogy. I am going with my girlfriend, (rating=awesome) and staying at the condo her Dad stays in when he is too whatever to get to his house in Canmore (rating=sweet). So I am hugely set up.

I got tremendously busy again. I am now looking the footage I got to make my Rig show out of. Watching footage for shots is boring (see: Turnbuckle, our movie we made, rating=6.5/10) but at least I know how, and this is only 22 minutes long instead of 90, and I am being paid, unlike Turnbuckle, where I was paid only in exhaustion.

I am kind of into the creative challenge of it all. Creating crisis where they was little and injecting humour. These guys will talk so much shit about their boss it's hilarious. And I'll use it if they let me. I have no qualms. These cameras ain't hidden.

Also, we're heating up to the fringe. I got a venue to get going for RFT, a schedule to make, a play to direct, and not much in the way of time or budget to do it all in. Ah, the Edmonton Fringe. As fun as Edinburough was last year, this is fun too. The City wide craziness, the beer tents, he shows, the fun, the collapsing afterward, only to get up, fly to Atlanta and do it all again.

So, with a variety of thinga, I find myself super busy once again. I am liking it. Resting is for the unemployed. My life. (rating=awesome.)

How long has it been now?

A long time. Bad blogger! Bad! No treat!

So let's see. What have happened to me in the last month or so...

We closed the Ganza. All our friends went home and it was sad. Sentimental hugs and vows of palship abounded. Final trysts were conducted with extra intimacy and mumbled promises which for all I know, are still being kept. Bleary eyed artists got unto this plane and that, dealt with customs or had the yummy hug of a direct flight.

But did I wallow at home in post partum depression? Oh no.

I got on a plane and went to Toronto. Such a quick trip it was, so tight to the Ganza indeed, that I met Kurt and Becky in the airport and we shared a cab around.

Once there, me and Jania checked into the Castle Westin, which we paid for with airmiles instead of our flights. (ever do that? it's a great deal, cause airmiles always wants to put you on the worst flights and hotels costs just as much sometimes more. travel hints from crad!)

The next day, after some shopping (I bought a fancy new shirt) we went to the Doras. A rather glittery event, where my efforts were honored with three awards, and I was happy and proud. At teh party I smoked a giant cigar I had been saving and we watched the CN tower play hide and seek in the smog on our oh-so-miami-vice roof top patio. I got to hang out with Matt Barum (late of Edmonton, early of Second City Toronto). Good times.

Matt was kind enough to invite us to his home for brunch the next day and we were all over that. The next day I went and saw him in his second city show and me and becky did an improv set with them after. It was awesome.

On the street after we ran into Sheldon Elter, who is a pal, in town doing the Canadian Idol thing. What a star. We ran up to him screaming "SHELDON! SHELDON!" and for a minute he was sure we were the real thing. At the time he was voted off, he had the third largest internet fan club in the game. Watch out for him, famewise. He's gonna do awesome.

Then what. I came home. Chilled out a while.

Then I got this wierd gig. I am a writer on a show for OLN called "The Rig" which is like a doc series about this oil rig tht drills for oil. It pays TV, which is good, even in Canada, but very odd, as it is a reality show. So the writing done pre shooting is very hypothetical. To make matters crazier, they were without a director for a shoot, and they were so desparate, they asked me. So of I went (about two hours after my friends wedding) on a plane to grande prairie, which deserves its ironic E.

(what married you say?) Yes, my pals Brad and Caroline totally got completely married at the Rutherford house. I was not a best man, but I had jobs. I took wine places. And cheese. I can be counted on.

The rough and tumble camera crew and I drank with aplomb at the grand prairie college bar, where people were actually quite young and attractive. Our PA Krishna got so drunk we were almost asked to leave. We were asked to "corral our buddy" which was easier said than done.

We went to the actual oil rig and shot the guys goofing off. "Rig watch" they called it. These guys are funny and nice, but crass and all get out. They spoke openly about the "fat girls' they had bedded the night before, how much they had drank, experiences on mushrooms when they thought they had wet their pants. What would you do at 22 with 100K a year as your income? Bang (and I quote) "fat girl pussy" in Fox Creek Alberta? Me neither. But oddly, there are no oil rigs in Manhatten, so they can not be blamed for their location.

All in all, the trip left me tired and a bit more materialistic. TV people and rig guys drink about the same amount and make similar money. Good thing money doesn't matter. Right?

Right?