the day before

the day before i leave
i install jania's webcam
and sign up for yahoo messenger
it's the only one for me
cause i have a mac
she has a pc

the choice is not political

i not only have plane tickets
i also have a cold
it's in my nose
but keeps trying to leave
in the form of snot

i trap it in kleenexes
which is a brand, not a thing
when brands are really successful
they become the thing

rft will be fine
i made arrangements with joey
and with kevvy
joey i paid
but not kevvy yet

my dad goes away as much as me
sometimes more
we're gonna hang out today
we're a close family
thanks to my brother
and him dying
we're a close family

relatively speaking

i've been watching a hospital show
it makes me want to tell you all
to drive safely
respect your mortality
wear a seat belt
and when possible
a helmet
you are nothing without your big brain
less then nothing

because you will leave a hole

and

don't fall in love with your heart patient
he will die, in the season finale
we never knew what he did for a living
so i feel like i don't know him
jania cried, but i didn't

jania is napping
the fog blots the sky white
like a death on 6 feet under
i am warm
in my sweat clothes
but not sweating
still i deserve them
i bought them with my own money

i am lazy today
because i can be
they say courage is when you are scared
but do it anyway
lazy is when you have energy
but lie around even still
i still am
you know what i mean

but

who cares about james dean anymore
i have his rare TV appearances
on videotape
somebody thought i would like it
i will regift it
next chance i get
if i give it to you
act surprised

that was a tangent
you are a cosign
be obtuse
if you want to

there's a comfort in the air
a contentment
and blueberry muffins
today all the things i wish i was
don't matter
and i see through my own eyes