i have a cold
so i take medicine
to dry the faucet of snot
but it goes too far
and then I have a nose bleed
the tickling of the blood on my upper lip
wakes me up in the middle of the night
and then i stuff tissue into my nostril
and look quietly at the internet
waiting to stop bleeding

if i start to bleed at the meeting today
i'm sorry
it's not a response to your question
they're all good questions

it's just that I have a cold
and the drugs go too far

it seems to me
that we live in an age of techno-sorcery

where we all wear computerized communication and surveillance devices more powerful than the computers we sent up in the first shuttle with cars with video cameras and dvd players, that are hybrids not nearly often enough, with some people actually wearing the tech within their ear, within an actual orifice of their body, and others who are deaf implanting electronic devices to hear for them, to translate sounds into electronic signals that are then read by your nervous system making these humans what we will later think of as the first cyborgs, hopefully, if we get the chance to think of anything at all

while at the exact same time

millions of other people believe in an invisible man in the sky who either wants you to deny global warming and vote conservative, or wear a beard and make jihad or even just be nice and moderate but truly believe they have a personal relationship with a fictional person who died over two thousand years ago which could only be possible with the use of and given the existence of:

MAGIC

science has a slippery slope

if you need to hold the belief that the earth is six to eleven thousand years old, then you must draw into doubt something as simple and solid as carbon dating, so its a short jump to call into question atmospheric science, which makes one wonder if water really freezes at zero degrees or does God consistently make it look that way to serve his ineffable plan?

magic has no such problem

magic is exactly as provable today as it ever was, and religious magic needs no proof at all, for in a flawless loophole, faith is required, you are required to have faith in magic to be considered a member of the group and retain the fabulous benefits that come from membership, like a pure and pretty dating/marriage scene, and the satisfaction of creating a majority government

but some science they DO believe

the science of bombs and machines to pump oil and refine oil and the computers to watch the whole thing and the robots who took the jobs of the people before they discovered people of different color were cheaper than robots, because they build and maintain themselves and they will even use a computer to tell you that science is a lie and technology has gone too far and click on this video to illustrate the point

we live in an age of techno-sorcery
the two french kiss in the hallway
while they both tell each other to stop

it is important
to be a good boss
to not panic
and start kicking asses
that do not need to be kicked

or in the process of getting your own shit together
question the value
of another's shit
already more together than yours

it is important to embrace change
as you make them
and realize that others may not as much
it is important to cultivate affection
while not caring if you receive it

like they say in battlestar galactica
'he knew about machines
command is about people'
you are so right, lee adama
that is why

(season 2.5 spoiler alert!)

you shall command the Pegasus

in other news
i am learning all about ad/hd
the thing about a thing that kids get
is there are all these kids books
and parent manuals
that your social worker girlfriend
can borrow from the hospital library

it is also a gift to have a character who simply can't stop talking even for a second due to what condition her condition is in and i already snuck in a gay joke

want to see?

P: Hey there. It’s okay.

JAMIE: I just wonder why, you know? I am not a bad person!

P: I know.

JAMIE: My home life is normal, as far as I know. Except my parents aren’t divorced.

P: I know.

JAMIE: Everyone else’s parents are divorced and mine aren’t.

P: Some would say this is a positive thing.

JAMIE: Karen has two Dads and she’s not weird like me!

see there
hilarious
p means principal
when you're a lazy typist

this joke is
sure to be cut in the first workshop
but maybe not

i'll let you know

i don't believe in writer's block
but i do believe in not knowing what to type next
that happens to everyone
writers are just so good with words
they invent a disease
so its not their fault
that they don't know what to type next

anybody reading this ever suffer from AD or ADHD?
how about their kids?

i need your input
so i can steal your life story
and pass it off as my awesome writing

all that said
can i have it?

so okay

so

i can't keep control of my schedule
it just whirls around me
in my memory or on little slips of paper
that may or may not be anywhere near me
and when i get real busy
i forget stuff
and misplace stuff
and double book myself
which then i have to cancel
and it eats up even more of my time
which was the thing i was short of
in the fucking first place

so okay i can't use a book
i have books
i have made books
jania has made books for me
i like books
but i can not carry one around all the time
i am literally not able.
it's genetic or something

so i get an idea
i will purchase an electronic device
and i will addict myself to it
i will
effortlessly
(as a matter of course
for it was designed to be thus)
become completely addicted
and then whenever anybody says

are you free this thing on this night or whatever?

i am so happy
i am so fucking happy to pull out this thing
i have been waiting
because i am addicted to it
it my phone and internet
and i get to push the little tiny buttons
of this thing
and find out if i am
and if i'm not

and if i am!

then i am even happier
because i put it into the electronic thing
and then i have it there

i think i do more stuff
just because i just want to
schedule more stuff

it's making me more active as a person!

you can laugh
but i found what worked
i finally know what i am doing today


nothing

sometimes i get so impatient
waiting for some silly thing to happen
that i could just explode

with that in mind
maybe its better i lack superpowers

especially the power to explode

last night i did a gig with donovan
we talked a lot
about nine eleven
and how much we both believe it was done
by the american government
the neat and swift demolition
the speed it went down
the physical evidence
the coincidental moving out
of people and gold
the Nixon plan
to do the same kind of thing
when the Vietnam war was unpopular with so many
especially the Vietnamese
the sheared girders
so identical to a planned demolition
as done by professionals
all around the world
even some circumstantial
suggesting rudy guiliani was in on it
that makes a sad sense
as the next preseident

we also did some improv comedy
it was pretty fun
i was hungry to do it
excited to get back into rft shows
good thing too
with so many folks gone
i planned my absence
just like the CIA planned nine eleven
(doesn't it look odd typed out like that?
so unlike the logo it's become)
and it was much less devastating

perhaps my return
will be like a huge light pointing into the sky

(can you tell I'm kidding?
sometimes i feel like you can't tell
when i'm kidding)

anyhow
nine eleven conspiracy theories
so two thousand and two
how passe'
tres

lo siento

on second thought

Barrie was kind of awesome

because no one sees anything controversial anymore

they don't get the chance
they are warned so thoroughly
whenever anything has teeth

or it's 'taming of the shrew'
a nice familiar controversy

that no one really cares about

real controversy
requires the element of surprise
barrie had that

a partial standing ovation
where people actually scolded the standers
"you're standing for THIS?"
was reported to me

many people left
other wanted to
others talked about it
loudly
but stayed

it was a rare thing for me
an actually controversial performance

i had to go all the way to barrie to get it

so i've decided barrie was awesome
on second thought

so okay

okay
so we did the magnetic north festival
with our little show
our little:
"trailer park boys meets long day's journey into night"
we get offered this weird little tour
and we say sure
what an adventure!
we say to ourselves
surely we'll book other dates
calgary is a go anyway
we know that
edmonton too
at the KABOOM festival
so we'll tour 3...2...1 a good little while
and then hang it up

well

calgary fell through
it's along story
KABOOM died
the other dates never came up
but we already signed for this
so here we are

first show is in kitchener
home of my birth
where my Mom still lives
we all stayed with her
such fun
so odd
the set was late
same day, right away
is just a name
like 100% real beef
its more a name than a thing that is true
i was terse on the phone
we got what we wanted
sort of

the centre in the square
has 2000 seats
tickets cost 35 dollars
except for the free ones
i got for 12 family members

i was so nervous

then

the storm of the century
one newscaster called it
an ice storm
they cancelled for weather
and IATSI
which a union so powerful
it makes Equity look like a tiny little bitch
overtime or something

we weren't worth it

but i had a nice time with my family

so okay

so let's go to St. Catherines
set up the set
tech all day
do the show
for all these drama students
it was a rock show
almost too much
they laughed at everything
even the drama
i had trouble connecting emotionally
but whatever

we ordered pizza
the pizza had a germ in it

because we woke up and went to barrie
and a flu or something stowed away
inside nathan's body

we got to barrie
the TD is nonverbal
the theatre is on a campus
but no students are coming
it's reading week
some people stood
some people left
some people didn't like it and were won over
you could hear people in the crowd
discussing whether or not to leave

nathan got through it
throwing up in his mouth
only once

now we sit in the comfort inn
it has comfort
and free internet
so you get to hear all about it
i complain
but it is not unfun
tommorrow we fly home
for two weeks

and then do it all again

this time in the yukon