packing for Calgary a bit
but Nicaragua mostly
did a stop motion of my pile of tapes
reaching up in a dated way
it's a big pile

bringing the old laptop
in case it gets stolen
then I can still write
and we can watch dvds

bringing a binder
for my notes
pre-logging my tapes
already shot a spanish lesson
or two

took back my camera to get a better one
price tag went from 799 to 949 to 1100
and i didn't rent a lav yet
they say this is how it's done
shoot some decent footage
and get money for post
they say
they say a lot of things
i ask a lot of questions
and get a lot of advice
i thank my advisors
i'd like to thank the academy
but I know i never will

there's some xmas footage
in and amongst
did i say this already
what did i already say
what i will i say in this doc
that hasn't been said already?

it's hard to be poor
they don't deserve the hard times they've had
america was unjust with them
it's all well known
to those who care to know it

and those who don't
will call me a liar
they can
if they want
just let me take my 78 tapes
through customs
i just like videotaping, sir
i don't need a permit
I'm just a tourist

taking a break from my comfortable life
to videotape some harder ones
to talk to people who have done more than me
in a language i don't know

I don't know
what I am doing

but it's never stopped me before

what you think of me

though this might not be accurate
because
there's no negative words
except for tense and proud
which were both used
maybe people who hate me
are reading my blog less
silly people
they don't know how nice i can be

or they do
and i stopped
either way
who cares
for christmas
i gave myself that
to not care

and an awesome video camera

anyway here it is
and merry xmas

(x can legitately mean christ, but when three christs get together, things are going to get dirty)

but here it is

Arena (known to self and others) bold, proud, self-conscious	Blind Spot (known only to others) accepting, brave, cheerful, clever, complex, confident, energetic, idealistic, independent, ingenious, intelligent, knowledgeable, loving, nervous, observant, responsive, searching, sentimental, silly, spontaneous, tense, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) able, adaptable, extroverted	Unknown (known to nobody) calm, caring, dependable, dignified, friendly, giving, happy, helpful, introverted, kind, logical, mature, modest, organised, patient, powerful, quiet, reflective, relaxed, religious, self-assertive, sensible, shy, sympathetic

Dominant Traits

70% of people think that chris_crad_nok is clever

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (10%) adaptable (0%) bold (30%) brave (10%) calm (0%) caring (0%) cheerful (10%) clever (70%) complex (20%) confident (30%) dependable (0%) dignified (0%) energetic (20%) extroverted (0%) friendly (0%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (0%) idealistic (10%) independent (40%) ingenious (10%) intelligent (40%) introverted (0%) kind (0%) knowledgeable (30%) logical (0%) loving (20%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (10%) observant (30%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (20%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (10%) searching (10%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (10%) sensible (0%) sentimental (10%) shy (0%) silly (20%) spontaneous (10%) sympathetic (0%) tense (10%) trustworthy (10%) warm (20%) wise (10%) witty (50%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 24.12.2006, using data from 10 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view chris_crad_nok's full data.

i hope

the night before
the night before christmas
the presents are crouched with their paper
waiting to emerge and be themselves
the devices and items they were made to be
bringing pleasure or not

but we tried hard

the pressure of a present dissapates
so soon after it's open
he liked it
she didn't
it just doesn't matter like it did
when it was a secret

soon we will be in nicaragua
warm and relaxed
two weeks vacation
before the work starts

we will sit on beaches
centenario on ice
una cervesa por favor
me llamo Chris
yo trabajo en el theatro
voy aser una pelicula
con los doctores de accupuncture
y mi novia Jania
la bonita Jania

yo estudio espanol
hablo bueno
I am told
but i'll need more than this

i've never made a documentary
for real
But I helped make a tv show
about rig workers
a doc series
well, a reality show
i'll shoot as best I can
and apply for post when i get back
This is how it's done
I am told

first christmas
then new years
some time in calgary
some high performance rodeo
and then we fly south
george bush airport in houston
managua nicaragua
es calor
es bonita
un viaje bueno
una pelicula de nicaragua

pelicula means movie
i'll make a movie that means a little something
for the very first time

i hope

click

they say self analysis
staves off paralysis
calamnity
inside of me
keeping my equamnity
parameters, examiners!
i'm trying to keep my sanity
explain to me
the me you see
my cool and mediocrity
the resulting view in me
could bring a brand new me to thee

click this:


right now!

this morning
i am the laziest lazy person
watching seinfeld season one
online
which is the new TV
wearing a robe
which is the old blue jeans

check out old movies
or india
people used to wear their robes everywhere
lucky

in season one jerry has the same mom
but a different dad
i wonder what happened
maybe he died
or was an asshole

i should learn spanish
or finish shopping
or schedule chimprov
or put together an application
to apply myself
here and there

george just delcared himself an architect
for the first time
he's gonna make that joke
for years

think of that joke you've been making for years

for me
it's when there's juice
and i put on a german accent
and say
we must eliminate the juice!

ha ha

i still got it

me and jules had a pretty good show last night
arlen and amy and mike and marc
had a better one
the first half had an off show
this is not new information

jerry's old dad
isn't very good
sometimes that's enough
to get you fired

thank god

jerry and elaine
are agreeing they can talk about other romantic partners
for the first time
for years
they will speak of little else
he then covers the concepts in his standup

this internet video
was originally recorded on vhs
i can see it on it
intermingling technologies
like a kid on his grandfather's lap

the poetry of spam

This was sent to me today:

homonym

Seriously, i dare you to disagree.

Like that high definition, free, streaming goodness coming right through your browser?

This is one of those moments.

This is one of those moments.

Every year we manage to find as many christmas galleries as we can and this year will be no exception.

Simply put, the purpose of liability insurance is to pay the insured's court costs and damages arising from a lawsuit against the insured.


Shop around: if you can find a personal health plan that offers benefits similar to her school's for less than twice the price they're asking, I'll be astonished.

It's rare that I get a question like this from a person who is, I'm guessing, prepared to understand the quantitative issues involved.

They'll just send you packing.

After seeing all of Daffy's accidents, Porky decides to buy the policy after all.



It is a bit like a poem that i wrote.

cab had a cold
during the show today
she had to leave the stage
to blow her nose

i am not even kidding

i will be better by tonight
she said
she sometimes gets head colds
that last for 8 hours

no one is well everyday
though ome people are sicker than others
are you sick right now?

of what?

of who?

Jack Black

Oh Jack Black!
Sexy funny fat man!

If you meet Jack Black,
Don't offer him cocaine.
Being a fat american comedian,
he really can't resist the stuff.
he'll die.

and it will be all your fault.

this poem is punctuated,
not just with symbols,
which tell you how to read it,
but with sounds,
that I am making,
with my hand and this filing cabinet.

"BANG," said my hand, "BANG!"
It was making a period.

last night
i beat jania
at scrabble
by tons

sometimes
when i want to focus
i move to a proper table
instead of sitting on the couch
it makes me feel
professional

sometimes
when i want to reveal
i open up a blog window
it makes me feel
confessional

sometimes
i put green leaves into a pipe
and smoke it
it makes me feel
expansive

sometimes
i charge as much as i can
for services i provide
it makes me feel
expensive

sometimes
i write terrible poetry
that i like anyway
it makes me feel
creative

because

this didn't exist
a minute ago
but now it does

which is fun

but on the other hand

what does it mean?

not much

it's such a minor work

so i guess its only right

that it only matters a tiny bit

if

at all

the view from my desk
is so much more expansive
than I am
which i why i am now on page 33
and likely to stay there
for hours

home

early in the morning
eating my cheesy toast
in my very own robe
in my home

my home
is spacious nd well appointed
inside

outside
is cramped and nervous
who's mad now?
do i have to go there?
do that?
i'd rather not
but i do

being in theatre
is like staying in highschool
everything's fine
as long as you're cool

i was a popular kid
for years
now i hang out by the automotive shop
smoking weed
picking fights
wearing black leather
mourning
sure
i am still cool
in my way
i don't really miss the football team
as people
i just dread my necessary trips
to their locker room

being in theatre
is like staying in high school
but being over thirty
means you can forget about it

because

really

who cares?

life is too large, short and crazy
and i am too

in conclusion

the votes are in
morton didn't win
honest ed came up from the farm

his arts policy
is a bit limp you see
matching funds, tax exemptions, i yawn

dion won his day
and he'll have his say
the next election is his to fight

my dad thinks he will lose
and canada will choose
to remain this far to the right

my dad may be correct
though it makes me reflect
on a canada distinct from the states

we still have health care
and better welfare
though the church is too close to the state

as the republicans mumble
and bush slowly stumbles
lying his way to the door

we're righter than ever
why is there no lever
to catch Harper deep in a boy-whore?

conservatives

morton certainly hears a who
scary voices of gays and women
it's strange day for a lefty like me
to be praying that dinning is winning

liberals!

stephane dion?
who who of thunk
will he tip the ball
on iggy's slam dunk?

by the way

seems i was wrong

morton is winning
says smarter people than me
so if you are voting

better vote for dinning

my liberal pals will be mad
but i disagree that liberals have a chance
even if the pc leader was

a hitler-bot that ran on baby corpses with a grandmother fisting habit that spewed a gas that gives you herpes-cancer

which ted morton almost is

so if you are voting in this thing
i say vote for dinning
i would
but i am in winnipeg

full

my belly is full
of the birthday brunch
cab made for beth
in appreciation of her existence
we are glad she was born
and didn't die yet

there were eggs and coffee
and pillsbury croissants
orange juice and advil
for our hangovers

last night we drank with miriam
and jackie and neil and claude and even lee-anne
and me
i was there too
that's how i can write this

at brunch we talked about doctors
bad bedside manners
good care for lawyers
the little lies people tell

(i told the cancer-walk t-shirt story
sorry, baby)

we talked about therapy
and winnipeg
and the food
and does betty have to pay the dogsitter
if she loses the dog?
no, we agreed, no.

now it is 1 pm
and i am going back to sleep
tonight the show
meet with the publisher lady
charm a stranger
maybe

two more sleeps before home
a brief detox
a back to work/hibernation
situation
before the xmas gorge

presents to buy

but

the present is a gift
we open moment by moment
so they say
those new wave buddhists

and yet

sometimes i want to return it
but it's already gone
it's rarely my size
though i like the color
the style could be better
but i would think that
even if it was

my fancy hotel apartment place
has that dingy boy thing
that boys can create
anywhere
without daily maids
even with
if they take pains
to be
extra careless

cab's place was vibrant with brunch
her iPod with speakers
her bright blue yoga mat
her tidiness
her blinds are open
the sun is her friend

i am a chubby vampire
so i hide from the sun